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[bruxisms]

credit - godsgrief ❝ Speak plainly, and quickly. ❞ TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO | ACTION

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[text]guess who's an idjit and forgot completely about secret santa until 45 minutes after christmas

[planetary_bonds]

just making sure i have the right inbox, but is this

[a short pause as he looks at the message again, frowning.]

baratheon?

DW!

[bruxisms]

THIS IS STANNIS BARATHEON, YES.

WHO IS THIS?

[ don't mind the capslock. he does it to everyone. ]

[planetary_bonds]

yusei

[countering your capslock with nocaps grammar-less single-word statements. typical yusei.]

i was given your name for something.

[bruxisms]

FOR WHAT REASON?

[ he cannot help but be suspicious, given he has many enemies. ]

[planetary_bonds]

some sort of holiday tradition. did you get a message from something called "Secret Storm?"

text | c.fraser

[nineteenfortyfive]

[Since she's making the rounds--]

How are you doing, Stannis? Do you need anything?

[bruxisms]

[ oh Gods be good... ]

I AM FINE. DO NOT TROUBLE YOURSELF ON MY ACCOUNT.

[ although really, he's had better months. ]

[nineteenfortyfive]

It's no trouble. It's my duty to make sure you're all right.

[bruxisms]

YOU NEED NOT MAKE IT YOUR DUTY.

[m-m-misfire - voice to text: UN: Priorly]

[priorly]

It'll be fine, just puff your cheeks a little and curl your lips over your teeth.

[bruxisms]

[ this means something, he is certain. it is only a matter of what. ]

IS THIS SOME MANNER OF ADVICE ON HOW TO AID WITH THE GRINDING OF TEETH?

[ apparently, that's unhealthy. ]

[priorly]

Don't grind anything for god's sake. You're trying to make it feel good, not buff it to a high sheen.

[bruxisms]

I HAVE FOUND IT FEELS PERFECTLY FINE WHEN THE TEETH COME TOGETHER.>

april 1st misfire » un: killjoy

[motivation]

he's being clingy

[bruxisms]

[ ... ]

CLINGY?

AS THOUGH HE IS SOME MANNER OF BARNACLE STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF A BOAT?

[motivation]

yeah
just like that

[ why did someone who doesn't know how to turn off capslock get her text?
right. she read that network post by the orbiter bloke. she can figure out what happened here. ugh. ]

[bruxisms]

[ ...maybe he broke the capslock the first week he received his phone. maybe he derives some odd pleasure in it and others' reactions to it. or maybe he's just a medieval man who sees no worth in figuring out the capslock function.

the world may never know. ]

IS THIS MAN ATTEMPTING TO COURT YOU? WHAT ARE HIS INTENTIONS?

misfire

[milesedgelord]

I can't help it! I'm head over heels in love with him! And I don't know how exactly to talk to him in a normal way.

[bruxisms]

[ ...

...

...

. . .

...he is not equipped for such matters of the heart, particularly when he cannot figure out his own. but first...]

IS HE A MAN WED OR MUST HE MARRY IN ORDER TO ENSURE THE CONTINUATION OF HIS LINE?

[ if the answer is "yes" to either of those questions, then the path forward is simple. ]

[milesedgelord]

[Oh. Oh my god who did he send this to?!]

Er... He's not married. He does already have a daughter already. She's very sweet.

[bruxisms]

[ ...he is absolutely no help at all. ]

IS HE WIDOWED OR IS HIS DAUGHTER A BASTARD?

THE LATTER WOULD SHOW HE HAS LITTLE HONOUR AND SELF-CONTROL.

[ morally, he has fewer objections to two men than his countrymen, so long as all involved do their duties. ]

text | un: sparkler

[flashystyle]

THERE WAS A CREAM CHEESE BAGEL IN THE BREAK ROOM FRIDGE. IT ISN'T THERE ANY LONGER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN YOUR DEPARTMENT BUT IT ISN'T ANY MORE HUNGER INDUCING THAN MINE.

[bruxisms]

[ oh... this man. he may have seen him once or twice, but... ]

IT WAS NOT I. I DO NOT TAKE THAT WHICH BELONGS TO OTHERS BY RIGHTS.

[flashystyle]

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MY LUNCH COINCIDENCES WITH THAT OF YOUR WORKROOM'S LUNCH PERIOD. IF IT WAS NOT YOU, THEN IT WAS ONE OF YOUR COWORKERS, AND I WILL SEE JUSTICE DONE FOR MY WALLET.

[and so it begins]

[bruxisms]

I DID NOT THINK THOSE I WORK WITH WERE CAPABLE OF THEFT. BUT I WILL AID IN FINDING THOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, MY LORD.

AFTER ALL, I FOUND OUT THAT MY ELDER BROTHER'S WIFE HAD GIVEN HIM HORNS, AND THAT HIS CHILDREN WERE IN REALITY BASEBORN ABOMINATIONS.

[ ...if only he knew what a bagel is.

the fact that he is entertaining this at all says something about how trivial the issues here are in comparison to Westeros. even the conflict between the two nations seems less urgent. ]